Money changes hands. Values shape lives. And increasingly, research suggests that the latter matters far more.
The long reach of influence
A growing body of evidence points to the outsized role grandparents play in shaping outcomes across generations. A review of dozens of studies in this space show that in more than half the cases, grandparents’ socioeconomic status had a measurable impact on grandchildren’s educational attainment, even after accounting for parental influence.
The implication is striking. Advantage — and disadvantage — can skip a generation.
But this is not merely about financial capital. It is about what sociologists term “cultural capital”: attitudes towards education, resilience in the face of setbacks, expectations of effort and discipline.
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These are not transferred through bank accounts. They are transmitted through relationships.
As American psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner once observed: “Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her.” For many, that adult is a grandparent.
The distinct role of grandfathers
Within this dynamic, grandfathers occupy a particular space. While grandmothers are often the emotional anchors of families, grandfathers tend to influence through modelling behaviour, mentoring and shared activity — domains closely tied to identity formation, especially in adolescence.
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In today’s context, this role is becoming more, not less, important. Dual-income households, longer working hours and the fragmentation of extended families mean that children often grow up with fewer sustained adult relationships. A grandfather who is present offers something increasingly rare: time without transaction, attention without agenda, and perspective shaped by decades rather than deadlines.
Research supports this intuition. Higher levels of grandparental involvement are associated with fewer emotional and behavioural problems in children, particularly in families facing economic or social stress.
Presence, it seems, is not passive. It is protective.
Legacy as formation, not provision
If inheritance answers the question “what will they have?”, legacy answers “who will they become?” And here, the grandfather’s influence is subtle but profound.
Values are rarely taught in formal lessons. They are absorbed — in small, repeated moments. In how a grandfather speaks to a waiter. In how he responds to disappointment. In whether he keeps his word when it is inconvenient to do so.
The American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson put it succinctly: “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
For grandchildren, this is not abstraction. It is formation.
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Storytelling, too, carries weight. Family narratives — of struggle, migration, sacrifice or resilience — help younger generations locate themselves within a larger arc. Studies have shown that children who are familiar with their family history tend to exhibit stronger self-esteem and a greater sense of control over their lives.
A grandfather who tells stories is not indulging nostalgia. He is constructing identity. Personally, I am shamelessly reflecting this with my own “grandfather stories”.
The myth of financial sufficiency
None of this is to diminish the importance of financial provision. In a world of rising costs and inequality, economic security matters.
But wealth, on its own, is an unreliable steward of legacy.
History offers no shortage of examples of fortunes dissipated within a generation. Without the habits and values that underpin it — discipline, prudence, resilience — financial capital is easily eroded.
By contrast, values compound. As investor Warren Buffett famously advised: “Leave your children enough money so they can do anything, but not so much that they can do nothing.”
The principle applies as much to grandchildren. Resources can enable, but they cannot substitute for character.
The overlooked dividend of giving
There is also a quiet reciprocity in the act of legacy-building.
Studies suggest that grandparents who are actively engaged in their grandchildren’s lives experience better cognitive outcomes, including stronger memory and verbal fluency, as well as a greater sense of purpose and well-being. I recently had lunch with the founder of a local charity who shared about the role her grandfather played in shaping her passion and care for the community from an early age.
In other words, the act of investing in the next generation is itself life-giving. This reframes ageing, not as a period defined by withdrawal, but as a stage of contribution.
Through his writings, the late British theologian John Stott taught about the greatest legacy that one can pass on is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.
Whether expressed in religious terms or not, the sentiment resonates. Legacy is not what one leaves behind. Rather, it is what one leaves within.
A deliberate approach to legacy
If there is one conclusion I have reached in my mid-sixties, it is that legacy cannot be left to chance. For grandfathers, the practical implications are deceptively simple.
Be present. In a world of distraction, time and attention are amongst the most valuable gifts one can give.
Model consistency. Children watch and observe, more than they listen.
Tell stories. They anchor identity and transmit values across time.
Encourage without controlling. Influence grows in the space between guidance and freedom.
And perhaps most importantly, live with intention. Because the most powerful lessons are not spoken but seen.
A different measure of success
Put simply, in the end, the metrics of legacy are not captured in balance sheets. Few grandchildren will remember the size of an inheritance decades later. But they will remember who made time for them. Who listened without judgement. Who believed in them before they believed in themselves.
These are not sentimental footnotes. They are formative experiences that shape confidence, resilience and moral compass.
As the writer Maya Angelou observed: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
For grandfathers, that may be the most enduring measure of all. The question, then, is not how much will be left behind, but what will live on.
In an age preoccupied with wealth transfer, it is worth remembering: The richest inheritance is often the one that cannot be counted.
The writer is a lawyer who practised for four decades in international firms and multinational corporations. He is a senior accredited director of the Singapore Institute of Directors and serves on several boards, including as chairman of SGListCos
